The world wants you to believe that the important thing is being part of a religion. I used to believe that, too. I was raised with it. And for all its temporary feel good moments, it never changed me. Until I had a personal encounter with Jesus, late in 2022. This is my story.
In hindsight, I know God's hand was on my life since before my birth. You see, I am the surviving half of twins. We tried to come and see the world at 13 weeks, and my sister didn't survive that. I did. Another 13 weeks later I burst onto the scene, and doctors told my Dad to thank God on his bare knees he still had a wife and a daughter, which he gratefully did.
The rather bumpy ride into this world made its marks on our family. Relatives and others whom had not experienced what Mom, Dad and, young as I was, I had, were not equipped to support us. And so, very soon, we withdrew into our own little fort of solitude.
In the early years Mom and Dad did attend church, and I was raised with the Bible. But our isolation meant that we were not part of the community, and very exposed to our own inner voices. And those voices, as well as each other's, were telling us big, bad lies. The kind of things that left us feeling rejected, abandoned and condemned. Things that our church's leadership, whenever they did come see us, did very little to alleviate.
This is an experience that many of you out there may be familiar with: religiosity; a very legalistic, rule-based approach to the Christian faith that goes something like this 'thou shalt not' or 'you must do this first before you can ...'. The kind of thing that makes you feel unwelcome and raises obstacles to forming a relationship with God.
In all my years seeking for something for that indefinable something I could never find it in anything that laid down strict rules and regulations; nothing ceremonial or ritualistic. That's exactly what Jesus points out when he charges the Pharisees and Sadducees with being hypocrites. (Matthew 23:1-39)
I grew up on the edge of the Dutch Bible Belt, went to Protestant Schools and College and was surrounded by practising Christians -- yet despite all that I did not have a personal encounter with Christ. It just didn't land. I was going through the motions. I would mock the kids that were bussed in from the Bible Belt; the girls with their uniform long skirts and long unplaid hair. I would switch channels when the Evangelical Broadcasting Company came on; couldn't stand it. My grandparents though - that was a different story. They had given their life to Christ when Dad was 16 years old, and the faith ran deep in their veins. They knew; they understood. And I believe to this day that the several times I was in their care while Mom was hospitalised contributed to my salvation, as did Dad's beautiful, childlike faith.
My Mom spent some time in the care of a foster family who were very strict in their beliefs. It left her convinced that she was unworthy to partake in the Lord's Supper. It wasn't until she was on death's door with terminal cancer that a very loving and compassionate Pastor was able to persuade her of the true meaning and purpose of that beautiful symbolic Supper.
I too, thought I was too far gone after all my wanderings, after having explored and engaged in so many practices that go against God's will. Paganism, divination, witchcraft, occultism, you name it. Some preachers - the Pharisees and Sadducees of our time - will say that we are doomed, but you need only look at Jesus to know otherwise. He came to heal the brokenhearted, those held in captivity by sin, to set free the oppressed, to give sight to those blinded by lies and deceit and to proclaim the good news to the poor. There is freedom, peace and joy in that -- nothing in this world can equal it nor take it away.
Late in 2022 I was on the edge of suicide. I was grieving the loss of my husband of 20 years; he had died 2.5 years prior. I was struggling to get support for multiple mental health conditions and on top of that faced a cancer scare. I felt desperately isolated and oppressed.
Out of nowhere a message popped up on my phone. Someone I'd connected with six months prior but hadn't had any real conversations with since reached out to me. I'm a very private person and I was in no real mood to engage, but something deep inside urged me reciprocate. This person was my door opener - he led me back to Christ. Sometimes you encounter people whose character is so pure, so beautiful that you experience Jesus in their presence. At that very moment I knew what I had been searching for all my life: to be known and loved unconditionally; wholly as I am. I heard the voice of my shepherd in his, and came running home.
And with that I took the first step of a huge transformation.
Soon after, I began to question the lies that had been spoken over me all my life. 'She'll never amount to anything'. 'She's got Complex PTSD'. 'She's sinned too much to be forgiven'. The legalistic and ritualistic religion I had married into (RC) had long felt like going through the motions and disconnected from any real relationship with Jesus, so I asked a friend whether I could come along to her church sometime. When I did, I came home -- the presence of the Spirit was there and I was among family. The pastor shared his experience of having come from a background of substance abuse and being saved when he first set foot in this very same church -- that's my God! No one is too far gone; too broken! He comes to us at our most broken; when we most need him and then our heart calls out to him: God, I can't do this, I need you! And that's when he spreads his arms out wide and welcomes us.
If you have any doubts about whether you would be welcomed, consider this: before he was the Apostle Paul, Saul (as he was known then) persecuted and murdered those Jews who followed Jesus, until he had an encounter with Jesus on the road to Damascus which showed him the error of his ways. He asked for forgiveness of all his wrongdoings and acknowledged Jesus as his Lord and Saviour. From then on he never ceased speaking about Jesus and his message.
If God can forgive a murderer and turn him into an Apostle, what could do with you?
We can all start again; be born again.
Saul became Paul by asking for forgiveness for his sins, asking Jesus to come into his life, and deciding to turn his life around. That still happens to this day when we do the same. 'For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life'. (John 3:16) and 'For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved'. (Romans 10:10)
When I found my church family, the next natural step was to be baptised. That may sound strange if, like me, you were baptised as an infant. For me, it was the most natural thing to do. Firstly, because as an infant I wasn't able to make the conscious choice to be baptised. Secondly, because even a year ago I didn't understand the significance and meaning of baptism -- now I do. You see, baptism with water is a symbolic declaration of our identification with Christ's death at the cross and his resurrection to life. Our old, sinful nature stays down in that water, and we rise a new creation in Christ, born of his Spirit, washed by his blood. Eternal life starts right there and then.
And however much I scoffed at New Born Christians before, I'm here to tell you I'm one of them. Healed and restored. Anxiety, Depression, CPTSD, and more: gone. The peace of God is beyond all understanding -- and it beats anything else out of the park.
I've just completed my first year in Ministry Training and am looking forward to the remaining two years. Looping back to the start of this testimony, I will say this: religion doesn't change you, but a relationship with Jesus transforms you completely. It's not an easy path, but you will be equipped for every challenge you face. God anoints those he appoints.
If you want an relationship with Jesus, you can ask him to become part of your life. He knows your heart. A simple prayer opens the door for that relationship to begin. And if you would like some further guidance you're welcome to message me.
Copyright © 2024 Wonderfully Created - All Rights Reserved.